the last time.

i suddenly remember why im afraid to try.
because i dont want to be disapppointed.


the feeling came back in a rush
of sorts.

you know what i mean.
the kind where you feel your heart sink.
drop.
and then the next moment you dont know if its still there
because it feels like a void.


the last time i tried was in may.
on the 14th.
i remember it was a monday.
night.
around 8.45.
pm.

i cant remember when i started.
i dont know what constitutes as the starting point.