i am a silly girl.

i dont know how i did it, but i have become one of them.

i have become one of those silly girlfriends i hear so much about.
everyone knows someone or has heard of someone with a psychotic girlfriend.
everyone knows all the ridiculous stories.

well now thanks to me, all of you have a friend (or so to speak) who has become one of them.


i dont know where i lost it. my sense of security.
i must have dropped it somewhere, or maybe it fell out of my pocket.
i think it happened when i found myself a boyfriend.
a proper one.
not one of those that come without strings.

yes, i think thats it.
i got swept off my feet and everything flew out of my pockets.

what is it about being in a relationship that makes all common sense go out the window? taking other things like practicality and sensibility and other '-ility's along with it.
where has my ability to function like a normal esteemed person in daily life gone to?

all of a sudden im making a fuss about not spending enough time together, or him not paying attention to me anymore (classic case: i have been wondering for a while, if he knew i had my hair cut..), or him not wanting to see me, or rather him not wanting to see me enough..

all of a sudden i cant do anything on my own anymore. i bring my phone with me to the toilet. i check my phone for messages compulsively. even when i obviously didnt receive anything. (i usually know this cos im holding the phone in my hand.) i cant sleep when i think he might be coming back soon. i start fidgeting when i think i might be seeing him soon, maybe. i get restless when i think he might be calling me soon.

can you spell P-S-Y-C-H-O-T-I-C G-I-R-L-F-R-I-E-N-D?

and all this does not bode well with a crazy brain that thinks overtime and reads too much into everything that is actually nothing.
i end up with crazy thoughts of "he doesnt love me anymore" or "omg he found out im boring!" or "omg i AM boring!".

and maybe i actually have lost some of myself along the way.
maybe im only best in the game when im in the "dating" stage.
maybe thats why i always tried to run away when things started getting serious.
maybe i just dont know how to handle someone who has so much more character than me.
maybe thats why i find myself starting to disappear?

i dont understand why i cant just fully be myself around him.
and i dont think its the man thats the problem.
i think its the me thats the problem.

well i guess many lessons are in store for me.
like.. learn not to expect the world. or anything at all for that matter.
that way, everything and anything will make you happy right?

anyway dont get me wrong. i love the man. very much.
and i couldnt be happier.
i just happen to get very silly sometimes, and tonight i just happen to have a computer with me.. d:




oh and baby, if you happen read this, just ignore it okay?
this is just one of those silly nights..
and you just landed yourself a bit of a crazy one, thats all.. d:
love you..
(i know you love me too.. haha)