it's not because i'm not a good enough reason.

but then again, doesnt it mean that it is?
that it is because im not a good enough reason.

whatever that means.
this thought has been plaguing me for the past.. i dont know how long.
not that long.
one and a half? two hours?

i dont really know how i'm supposed to feel.
maybe i should just take it as a wake up call.
things arent all as positive or possible as i assure myself to be.
preparing for the worst assures that i will never be disappointed.
but that also means that i cant truly be happy.
or sure of myself.
and what i am doing.

or can i?
maybe i should start living for the moment again.
as opposed to living for the future. which is what im doing now.
i dont even know when i started to leave one plan for the other.

yeah i guess i could try that.
i mean, it worked at the time.. and i was totally happy!
im not sure how i would make myself revert back to my original plan A, since i dont even know how i drifted so far away from it.
but yeah i guess theres no harm trying.
i'll just have to think of a way to go about it.

i dont know how i'm supposed to sleep tonight.


***
sorry about the monologue.
the post was meant to super short since i didnt think my brain was functioning coherently enough to spew out more than two short sentences.
but the entire thought process just spilled out in the end.

hmmmm.
dont ask okay?