a day of many firsts..

group interview today..
was weird..
also a bit of a waste of time..

found out that my limit is 2 pints in an hour..
and then i will be liable to throw up..

took the longest time to go home today..
the journey was actually quite fast, cos it was so late..
but i couldnt bring myself to go home in the state that i was in..
so i sat. at the bus stop. for almost 2 hours.
and cried, and sobbed..
and cried and sobbed somemore..

crying and messaging at the same time
is actually quite hard..
you press wrong buttons all the time..

i have never gone home in such a shitty and crazy and unstable state in my life..

so i went to shower for almost an hour..
havent done that since melbourne..
i just wanted to sit in a tub of crazy hot water..
and maybe drown.
but seeing as how i dont have a tub here..
a crazy long hot shower was the best i could do.
i would have stayed in there longer, except my dad (of all people) started asking if i was okay and why i was taking so long!


what else?

oh i actually slept before 4am yesterday..!
well.. major achievement for me considering i have been sleeping between 5.30 and 7.30am in the recent weeks..
but i think i also feel asleep cos i was exhausted..
have been waking up reasonably early, and not napping cos im afraid i cant sleep at night..?

i am starting to develop a major headache..
another first in at least a few years i think..

raw unsalted and unroasted almonds..
i miss.. since melbourne..

good night, sleep tight.
hope you feel better.
please say a prayer.
try to rest k.