thinking is bad for me.

so i know i know its not good for me.
that i shouldnt be doing this,
that i shouldnt be behaving like that.

but not only can i not help it,
it just makes me feel so much better.
whether this is just a short term solution or not,
the fact is, that i come home happier.
so much so much happier.
that for that period of time, everything goes away.
and everything becomes manageable after that.
things dont seem so mountainous anymore,
i feel like i can handle crap being thrown at me again.

so what am i supposed to do then?
youre right, if i continue like this,
i run the risk of becoming too dependent.
but sometimes, one pair of feet just doesnt cut it.

i spoke to someone at lunch today.
who made me feel i might have a mental illness.
the kind thats just waiting to happen.
i seem to have all the symptoms.
im serious. i think if i were to get diagnosed,
i would be certified mentally unstable.

in any case, thinking about this makes me tired.
way too tired.
im tired of being tired of thinking about it.
its a vicious cycle.
there is just no immediate agreeable solution.
so just stop thinking about it right?
yes.